Many people have the expectation that, once their new babies arrive, they will instantly feel an unbreakable, powerful, unique bond. Many think they’ll feel a deep connection from the moment the baby is born. Even though that does happen for some people, it doesn’t happen for many others.

For a large portion of those parents, bonding takes time.

There is no “normal estimate” for how long bonding may take, which can make the situation confusing and stressful. This can be even more true with social media and movies portraying instant connections as the norm. Whether a birth went smoothly or a birth was difficult and parents feel numb, some parents, instead of joy, feel guilt, pressure, or even fear that can impede instant bonding.

It’s important to know that it’s normal. It’s okay.

Bonding is a Process

Regardless of what your particular birthing experience entails, it’s imperative that you remember that bonding is always a process; it’s not a timed test you pass or fail. There are many factors that can impact the process of bonding and early attachment, some of which include:

• Postpartum depression and/or anxiety
• Traumatic birth experiences
• Sleep deprivation
• Feeding struggles
• Previous pregnancy loss
• Soreness or illness following birth

While these are some of the more common hurdles many parents have to overcome, there are numerous others, and all of them are valid. Sometimes, it’s the nervous system trying to recover from being overwhelmed that’s enough to interfere with bonding. All of these experiences are much more common than most people realize.

The Impact of Little Moments and Time

Two of the most overlooked forces that help bonding most are time and ordinary moments. Things like holding your baby, learning their cues, feeding them, and spending time with them are all important to nurturing bonding. Connection is built in the small daily interactions that repeat and, before long, are over and done.

You don’t have to force yourself to “feel a bond” overnight. Bonding develops slowly; relationships always grow over time, including the one with your baby.

Getting Help with Perinatal Therapy in Pasadena

At Pasadena Perinatal Therapy, we help parents work through the complicated emotions that can impact family bonding after a new baby arrives. We are proud to provide a place to help you process what you may be experiencing, whether that’s fear, anxiety, exhaustion, or disconnection, without judgment.

Learn more about our therapy options in Pasadena; reach out to us today, and we can talk about how we can support you through this important transition.