Becoming a parent changes your daily life in countless ways, from your schedule to your relationships and more. Your priorities can suddenly be completely different than they were before, but sometimes, the change goes deeper.

You might catch yourself looking at your life and wondering, “Where did I go?”

Becoming a parent requires an enormous transition in identity, and supporting the development of a healthy parental identity often improves well-being, self-confidence, and adjustment during the perinatal period. However, that doesn’t mean you should instantly feel comfortable in your new role. Adjustments take time.

The following are five signs that your changing sense of self might need some extra attention:

1. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Did Something For Yourself

Caring for a baby can totally consume almost every available minute you have, especially in the earliest months. However, it’s so important that you don’t let your interests, hobbies, friendships, and basic needs fall completely to the wayside. Putting them on the back burner for a little bit is one thing, but if you let them disappear completely, you may very well start to feel like your only purpose for existing is to be a parent.

Making time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s vital. Your identity should expand to include parenthood without everything before it vanishing.

2. You Feel Guilty When You Miss Your Pre-Parent Life

You can absolutely love your child and still miss the days of sleeping late, doing things spontaneously, adult conversations, and having complete control of your time. These feelings can coexist; it’s not an uncommon thing.

Missing parts of your life before parenthood doesn’t make you any less of a parent or any worse of a parent. It also doesn’t mean you regret becoming a parent. You can miss something and still love what replaced it.

3. You Don’t Recognize Yourself Anymore

The changes that come along with becoming a parent, whether it’s for the 5th time or the 1st time, can affect your emotions, your relationships, your body, your work, and routines. When several parts of life change all at once, it’s no wonder that people often feel disconnected from themselves.

Instead of feeling guilty or pressuring yourself to “get back” to the person you used to be, think about what you’re becoming instead. It may take time to adjust to a “new you”, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad change!

4. You Constantly Compare Yourself to Other Parents

This is a big one, especially these days, when social media often makes parenthood look incredibly polished. When you see everyone else looking fulfilled, well-rested, and confident, questioning your own adjustments can make it feel like you’re “doing it wrong”.

There isn’t any single correct way to feel like a parent. Your sense of parenthood develops through your own experiences, values, personality, and circumstances. Don’t compare them to the (often staged) appearances on social media.

5. You Feel Like Everyone Needs Something From You

This one has a way of sneaking up on people, just when they think they’re in a pleasant mood! When you’re constantly caring for a baby, the house, family, your partner, work, and more, there is often little space left for your own needs.

Over time, that can quietly build resentment, isolation, anxiety, or sadness until one day, it comes to your attention fiercely, often looking like you have a “short fuse” or you’re being “snappy” with people. It’s important to keep it all in perspective and prioritize; let some things go. If your partner is used to you making them a sandwich every day for the last year at 2 pm, they may just have to make one on their own…and they will survive.

Pasadena Perinatal Therapy Can Help

Therapy can offer a space where you don’t have to take care of anyone else. At Pasadena Perinatal Therapy, we help parents navigate the emotional and identity changes that can accompany pregnancy and parenthood.

You don’t have to choose between being a loving parent and being yourself. The goal isn’t to return to exactly who you were before your baby arrived. It’s to make room for all the parts of who you are now, and we can help. Contact us today to get started.